Today is a special day and so I want to make a special post with a purpose.
I feel I need to also make this post because there are a lot of people now that don’t get what the concept of a committed relationship actually means.
I know it sounds crazy but I genuinely had multiple situations in the past years that make me think that especially the younger generation has a warped picture about this topic.
A bit longer than 3 years ago I didn’t realize this was such a big problem – and maybe I am only aware of this because I spend my time with a lot of young people (~25 years).
Around 3 Years ago we just came together with [NG] and she was the first with whom we had this experience in such a reality shaking way.
It wasn’t that she was distant or that she was not willing to do something for us – it was more that she saw the stuff we usually would refer to as ‘superficial’ as what a normal relationship should look like.
Things like loyalty & commitment seemed foreign to her. We thought that was because we were just not really working toward a Triad and that it is okay. (Which it was!)
Then after she left us I would get to know [JP] and with her, I had the same experience and in some ways, it was just a lot more extreme and hit me like a big bombshell.
I remember one weekend that I was visiting and we were talking about business, I casually said: “… we improving each other. You are there for me, to make sure I will be happy in life and push me forward and I am here for you, to make sure you will be happy in life and push you forward and that will help us both to be successful…” – and then I stopped because she looked at me as if I said something in my native language (which she did know but not understand very well). She looked confused and unsure of what to think or say.
She asked me a bit bewildered: “You think that can work?” – at that moment I now was very confused and tried to make sure she understood me: “Yes, I mean that’s the idea behind a relationship as well, right? You making me a priority and I do the same for you…”
The conversation died after that a bit because of other stuff around us. (She got called on her phone) but she would later that day come back to me and tell me that she never saw relationships like I described them…
I couldn’t understand that – my relationship with [C] was exactly like that. Yes, of course, we try to be fulfilled and we try to push ourselves as well but whenever possible we try to make each other a priority. I make sure she is happy and gets pushed in the right direction to reach her goals and she does the same with me.
I guess it is a pretty romantic notion for most – in today’s world, we almost always look out for ourselves first and then for everybody around us (if that is convenient for us).
Some do that with noble-sounding motives like “If I can take care of myself I can still help others…” but that sentiment is often not lived because when push comes to shove most people just abandoned everybody else with the same rationale: “… if they wanted they could have done the same thing I did…”
People just don’t realize how much they lose out on – after all, I do live in a relationship that works with this romantic notion where my girls are more important than me and where they make me a priority in return.
Our current Triad is exactly structured like that.
I believe that BDSM, at least for me, is actually the culmination of that mindset…
Having a Dominant that cares about you and pushes you is one of the greatest gifts you can have in life as a Submissive.
Having a Submissive that cares about you and pushes you is one of the greatest gifts you can have in life as a Dominant.
If all the other Circumstances are matching up, like Life priorities, Dreams, Goals and Values as well, you will be one of the most fulfilled people in the world.
I do understand that not everybody will agree to that and that is totally fine!
It´s just what works for me and if you believe your happiness lies somewhere else, all power to you to live your life differently.
But in the grand scheme, I think what works for me is working for millions of long term relationships and will probably also work for millions more!
And all people have to do is to follow the simple notion that the other persons in your life are actually more important than you!