How to rebuild trust

We all make mistakes – that’s a fact!
Sometimes our mistakes are much harder than others to rectify or to forgive… be it that we lied to our partner or let them down in ways they expected us to stand up for them…

When Trust is broken there is a tear that in many many situations will never completely close…

So how do you go about it? How do you recover from betraying your partner without losing them…


1. Analyze
Every mistake, every betrayal and every break of trust has an origin. Some situation that felt right or justified at the time but came out as a terrible mistake in the long run. Learn to understand yourself why you felt it was okay to do what you did and learn from your partner why they feel like they do about it. Don’t make assumptions, you need to communicate with your partner and try to understand why they felt let down. Only if you can understand and empathize with them you can truly move on to mend the bond you had.


2. Stepping back
One of the best ways to do that is to accept that the break of the trust set your relationship back to a time when your partner did get to know you and didn’t trust you already. So stop assuming that your partner still has to trust you – he or she isn’t obligated to do that in any way anymore and that sounds hard but it is necessary to realize because that’s when you personally also realize how much that trust means to you. It will motivate you to work on the bond and to facilitate the next big step in your mending process.


3. Mending your Bond
Extraordinary situations call for extraordinary actions. Your Bond broke because of something you did wrong, something you shouldn’t have done. To mend it you need to do something of an even bigger magnitude to show that you are committed to the relationship and to mending the Bond at all cost. Don’t do something that you think is important, do something that your partner feels important about and make the gesture as big as possible at that moment.

The right gesture speaks louder than a thousand words, so make it count!


4. Keeping the Bond
After your gesture, your partner will hopefully have a new appreciation for your commitment and the trust you put in your relationship.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is over now… It is not – all you did was mending what you already had lost. You are not owed anything and you should be thankful if your partner can trust you again.

Most wounds of this kind never mend in a way that it is like before – the analogy of scar tissue is actually quite descriptive. Its mended but not forgotten and you have to be able to see and accept that.


To Your Partner
This all isn’t easy but the only chance to mend something is if both sides can agree to mend it. If you don’t see the big gesture as something worthy there is nothing that your partner can do to mend your broken Bond.

Also when you think the gesture was worthy of your reconsideration then you can’t hold the past act against your partner. Like in Justice, if somebody paid the price he or she should be able to live without any fear that it will be brought up and used again against him or her at any moment.

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