Being Compatible with your Dominant/Submissive is a huge deal and a lot strive for something perfect, no wonder also that a lot of questions are around that topic.
It’s a very cool dream that you get the perfect partner that loves you and that its exactly what you need when you need it – all the time.
BUT you will never have an absolute 100% compatibility – its a dream and that is a good thing, dreams let us aim high, but the reality is something totally different and you have to cope with reality or you will have a very unhappy life.
This post is exactly about that, the little things that annoy you with your partner and make you feel it is not a perfect fit…
It is a pretty common thing, there is a reason that veterans of relationships tell you that you have to put work in a relationship and communicate a lot – this is part of what they mean.
Our human nature doesn’t want to be 100% happy, it seeks actively out people that are at least somewhat different than we are. You don’t believe me? Then answer me this:
Would you date your clone? (if it had the gender of your choice) – If you really think about all your quirks, edges and feelings you have… Not really, right?
That is because everything would be too similar… similarity is good but it is not what we strive for as beings. We need somebody different than we are…
Most people need somebody from the opposite sex, most introverts want an extrovert, most short people want somebody tall and Submissives, as we know, always want a Dominant…
Being comfortable all the time sounds like this nice and cozy idea, this ideal what we want to be… but we don’t strive for that. We want somebody who pushes us, who challenges and makes us think, who makes us question ourself – in short someone who makes us uncomfortable!
That’s why you find in every culture so much on being the opposite and still together in unity.
People in the BDSM world or lifestyle will know what I am talking about – we actively seek out people that are opposite to us and make us feel a different kind of emotions…
Feeling controlled, subjugated or in pain feels wonderful for a submissive.
Feeling in control, subjugating or giving pain feels wonderful for a Dominant.
But coming back to reality and the way things work there…
The thing is that our feeling changes what we need from situation to situation and it just depends on the viewpoint we have “right now” what we want – here are some paradoxes people often prefer but also complain about with their partner…
- fights with me but should follow every word
- is cruel to me but also kind
- play with Mind-Games but is not manipulative
- Leading personality but not argumentative
- Passive by nature but initiates play
- pushing you further in life but is not bothering you
The same way that political systems strive to balance between left-wing and right-wing politics we also need some balance and that balance comes at the price that we need to be a bit unhappy and a bit uncomfortable… without some conflict we don’t move forward…
